This can't be for real...can it?

Check out this website:

http://mulletpassions.com

It bills itself as a social networking site for singles with mullets.  You can even browse by mullet style! Any readers with a mullet, or just daring enough to sign up and check it out?  If this is any incentive, it's free!

FYI: I found this through one of my favorite sites, Smart Bitches, Trashy Books.

Take a breath...

I got the following email from someone on match:

"My name is garrett and 4 some reason i cant seem 2 get my picture posted but i thought u sound interesting and would like 2 know more about u"

I hate this new trend of using letters instead of numbers. I can somewhat accept it in text messages (but it still bugs me), but an email? To someone you want to date?

For fun, I looked at his profile. The following is his ENTIRE profile:

"30 yr old male decent shape atractive outgoing and fun looking 4 the same fun outgoing must like kids like outdoors 4 wheeling camping a plus i enjoy all music but listne 2 country the most enjoy going out also like 2 stay in im honest faithful and loving"

This isn't even a run-on sentence, because to be one, it must be an actual sentence. Perhaps with some sort of punctuation mark thrown in there. No, his profile is just a bunch of words. It's like he simply barfed out his profile.

Now the real question, should I email him back? Hmmm. Gonna take a pass on that...

At least he's honest...

You know, something has to be said for a guy who tells it like it is...

I came across a profile with this headline:

"Heartbroken and Looking for Fun & Friendship with Bennifits"

For some reason I read on...and I'm so glad I did:

"I just ended a four-year relationship after catching my now ex cheating on me with one of my good friends; moreover, I can say I am at a very vulnerable point right now, but this will change over time."

Um, baggage much? Of course I know there is some girl who will go out with him, and then complain to all of her friends when he just won't commit.

There are no words...

Meet Julio.
Julio claims to be 32, but looks considerably older. According to his profile, he last read the following "books:"

Adam's Sandler's "First 50 dates" Joseph Campbell's "Hero of a Thousand Faces" Cliff Schecter's "The Real McCain" -- Excellent reading for this year's historic election... Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World" LA Times, NY Times... Kamanstra…!!

Let's just clarify something..."50 First Dates," with Adam Sandler, is a movie, not a book. Joseph Campbell wrote "Hero with a Thousand Faces." And I'm pretty sure that the last item that pervy Julio listed here is not "Kamanstra," but the Kama Sutra. You know, just in case one of the fine ladies on match actually agress to sleep with him. He's obviously out to impress us!

He's also an aspiring poet, and boasts that some of his work was published when he was in college! He even graced me, via match message, with an example:

** Under blue skies, we breathe together laughing as our hearts beat as one smiling **

Hey there... Every human is a novel, every human is hero… for your novel reads of eternal beauty and Ill be your hero living in your heart... just wanted to say that. IF/when you feel comfortable, maybe... message: (removed)@live.com; I’m on right now…

“OCEAN WAVES”
III

Ocean waves crash and froth against craggy shores,
Echoing thoughts of your beauty forevermore;
Your hair unfurls simmering in sultry breezes,
Alike waves of kisses melting sand on endless seas.

Gentle night’s breezes softly whisper in my ear,
of wondrous thoughts harboring your beauty near;
Hear crashing waves utter cries upon ivory shores,
alas weeping echoes of sea breezes so near...

It's really too bad that I'm taking my profile down. I really think that he could be the one!

No news is not necessarily good news

At least not in the world of internet dating. I find that sending the "no thanks" messages unnecessarily mean, so if I'm not interested, I usually just don't send a response. Most guys get this, but today, I'm going to tell you about three that just don't get it.

First up, Blandy McBlanderson. He's sent me the same email not once, not twice, but thrice! The first time, I almost responded to him, but by the time I got around to it, his profile was taken down. But now it's back up, and I've gotten the EXACT same email twice in the course of a week (the 20th and 25th).

hey... I came across your profile and thought we might be a good match! take a look at my profile and if you are interested would love to hear from you.

Next up is Aloha. He's sent me three emails (plus a wink) since I signed up for match. I don't have the first email, but here are the two most recent (sent in a 2-week span):
Message #1:

How are you doing? I hope you had a nice weekend. Was wondering if you would like to meet a nice guy with many good qualitites? If I know him I will tell him about you. LOL. Sorry terrible sense of humor. I would like to know more about you if you would like to talk. Please let me know either way. Thanks and good luck. Aloha

Message #2:

How are you? I would like to get to know you better but my membership is expiring. Please email me @(removed)@yahoo. I hope to hear from you soon. Take care. Aloha

Finally, saving the best for last, is The Professor. Let's cross-reference this guy with the Old Fart Files. The Prof is 45 years old (making him 16 years older than me), and lives in Massachusetts, 3000 miles away from me. I've received a wink and two emails. Because if I haven't responded to the wink and first email, that second email is going to totally seal the deal!

Message #1: Subject: Hello! I am interested

I live in Boston. I was in SD last Summer and I love it. I would like to come again during the Winter for a longer period. I am looking for my soul-mate and life partner, and I have the profile which you are looking for.
I like your photo with glasses.
Waiting to hear from you.

I particularly enjoy the unnecessary capitalizations In his Message.

Message #2: Subject: I like the "Big Deal"
(yes, I reference Anchorman in my profile--don't judge!)

I would love to hear from you

I don't know...this makes me think I should be more cut-throat, although I know I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of those "no thanks" emails. Although I wanted to send a more bitchy email to The Prof, I just told him that I was looking for someone in my geographic area, and wished him luck. Then I called my mom and told her what I wanted to really say in my message!

It's been a while...

I've been taking a dating hiatus, so I want to apologize for the lack of posts. But while sitting on my couch today, doing lots of nothing, I came across just a gem of a profile...and here it is:

"im recently divorced " 6 months " lonliness setting in hardcore. I really need a companion sum1 2 care 4 and who can care 4 me without trying 2 change me i'm very emo and need a friend at least 6 years is a long time and theres alot to let go of"

I don't even know what most of that means.

Oh, and what would he want to do on a first date?

"nice dinner and a sunset before 1 of my shows " vocalist ""

Huh?

Was that a question?

I should start a new series on this blog...I think I'd call it "Old Guy of the Week."  As I've posted numerous times before, I seem to be a magnet for old farts.  They usually write to me on the weekends, so I always have fresh material for the beginning of the work week.

This one was received on Saturday.  Unfortunately, his freebie period has expired, so I can't post his picture.  I'm calling him the Fresh Prince, since his screen name reminds me of him.  Fresh Prince is 44, and looks like a generic older guy, brownish, thinning hair, and a goatee.  Here's what he had to say (referring to my profile):

Subject: hey tall and lovely,

So you're a clutz?  At 5'10"..... you can afford to be :)

Do you like to dance? cause I would really love to dance with you?

FreshPrince,

Ignoring the retarded punctuation, since we've picked it apart 100 times on here, I have to wonder...would he really love to dance with me?  Or is he just trying to talk himself into it?