Cry me a river, just not at midnight

I would like to preface this post by saying I have truly obnoxious neighbors. I live in an upscale condo complex, but these people are anything but upscale. They enjoy having loud conversations, outside, at 3am. Last night, after watching the US women's gymnastics team hand the gold medal to China proudly win a silver medal, it was 12:15 and I was super tired (you know, all the cheering for the swimming boys). I went to sleep and was out immediately. But my neighbor had other plans. Fifteen minutes later I hear voices (not the kind in my head, they only come on special occasions). The guy is outside talking on his cellphone with his outdoor voice. Because I'm nosy (but at least I admit it!) I tried very hard to listen to his half of the conversation. The guy is crying, talking to (presumably) his ex about how she broke his heart. It went on and on and on. I was feeling really sorry for him...that is, until I heard him say "I wish you would have told me this 4 months ago when I served you my heart on a platter." Wait. This dude is keeping me awake so that he can cry about his drama that's been going on for all of 4 months? Buddy, sack up. All I can say is that I am going to be on the lookout for this guy on match...he'll be the one with the water eyes, sniffly nose, and 8 paragraphs about how he is such a man's man...with a shirtless picture thrown in there for good measure.