Thursday, August 7, 2008

Wait, did you say you like to work out? I didn't catch that.

It is rare that I come across ridiculous profiles on eharmony, since the people on there tend to be a little more serious about finding an actual relationship. I was recently matched with a guy who really seems to enjoy himself. Of course he has pictures of himself both shirtless and standing next to his sports car. It's sort of like the classic cliche. Here are some words of wisdom from his profile:

"I work out constantly. I obsess over being healthy and fit. I am goal oriented. I have singular focus and stalwart determination to get the things in life I want. I am 6’2”, brown hair, royal blue eyes and in great shape. I graduate from Cal, but was born and raised in New York City. I like to scuba dive, ski, mountain bike, and box, MMA or spar 3-4 times a week I also enjoy the outdoors, camping and traveling."

john's friends describe him as:

* Ambitious

* Intelligent

* Happy

* Physically Fit

Three of john's best life-skills are:

* Keeping physically fit

* Helping those who are less fortunate or in need

* Achieving personal goals

john typically spends his leisure time:

* Working out, MMA, skiing, boxing,traveling, i have traveled to over 60 countries, i love to cook and collect fine wines.

The things john can't live without are:

* love

* passion for life

* my passport

* my sports car

* my cell phone

Okay, first of all, is it really necessary to describe your eyes as "royal blue?" And how long did you have to stare in the mirror to determine their exact shade? Were you holding a box of crayons next to your head to color match?

We know you have a sports car. It's in your picture. How grounded of a person you must be to list it as something you can't live without. At least you listed it after you listed love, you are so sincere.

How many times do you need to mention working out? We get it, you are active. Talk about something else.

2 comments:

Jaimi said...

Obsess. That is THE word I look for in a mate.

Decline and Fall said...

He seems way too self-absorbed and intellectually incurious to get away with claiming "Helping those who are less fortunate or in need" as his #2 Bestest Life-skill.