Blood Pumpin' in the Morning

Here's the translation of Hope's admirer, who should probably consider keeping a spreadsheet of the chicks he e-mails:

"Hi my name is Scott, 39, single, never married and have no kids. I live alone in my own house in Smalltown. I have been in this state since 8/2005 where I moved from the Seattle, Wa area. I work in the construction management industry and love what I do."

Dear (insert your name here), just in case you didn't read this the last time I sent this e-mail to you, I'm going to introduce myself again. I lived in my mom's basement until 8/2005 when she kicked me out, so I thought I might as well move out here. Also, please note that because of my line of work and the current state of the housing market, I will soon be burning my house to the ground and moving into an orange crate under the freeway.

"For fun I had my season pass to Kirkwood. I snowboard and have enjoyed this year. I also enjoy running 2 miles M-F before work and then doing some pushups and situps. Love the getting the blood pumping in the morning. I am easy going, love to socialize and have fun.I also enjoy karaoke. Always up for new experiences and adventure. I love sex and am a very sexual person."

I like to snowboard frequently. Actually, what I really do is hang around the bunny slopes in cool-looking gear and stare at all the chicks. I exercise a lot to compensate for my lack of a social life, and I do it before work because I'm a morning person (and therefore clearly crazy). I like to karaoke because I think that if I do, chicks will dig it and nail me. I like to have sex. A lot. With women. Please have sex with me.

For the sake of decorum, I'm not going to translate what "Love to get the blood pumping in the morning." means.

"Anyway, would love to get to know you. Please get back to me if you would like to chat and get to know one another. You seem like a very cool and fun person."

I'm even willing to have a conversation with you first, but I'll probably just be staring at your boobs the whole time. Please contact me if you want to have sex. You seem like a chick who likes to have sex with dudes.