Man Translation

I've been asked to serve as the male translator, so here's a paragraph-by-paragraph translation of the e-mail Jaimi received:

I just wanted to compliment you on your profile. I have to admit when I saw that you glance at my profile. I had to check yours out. I have to admit your pic's definitely caught my attention!!! I would like to have the opportunity to chat with you. I want to have the unique privilege of hearing the voice behind that warm & attractive smile of yours!!!!

You were foolish enough to click on my profile, so now I think you want to have sex with me. I think you're hot. I want you to have phone sex with me so I don't have to pay for it like I usually do.

Therefor, I would like to extend you my cellphone#(555-555-5555)& e-mail address(XXXXX@yahoo.com). I just feel it would be more surreal to hear a live voice,rather than to type away & stare into a computer screen. Computers don't show or express any emotions & feelings. Don't you agree? Plus, not too mention that my membership will be expiring in 2days. I don't plan on renewing it either. So if your up to wanting to meet someone new? Who genuinely wants to hear your ideas,thoughts & whatever come's to mind? Or just simply have a fun & entertaining conversation. Then don't hesitate to look me up. I usually don't give out my info. If I feel the person isn't worth the risk of persueing to know as a person & friend? Something about your profile & pic's has me very intrigued & interested!?!?!

I'm setting an artificial timeline to try to make you think this is a limited window of opportunity to get you to actually interact with me. Kind of like when Macy's has a sale. Either that or I live in Nigeria and I'll follow this up with an offer to transfer $60 million to you as soon as you forward your bank account info to me. Oh, and I'm pretending to care about what you think and what you have to say. I think this will get me laid faster.

Maybe, it could be when I read your profile & saw your pic's? I see a very sincere,open minded,caring,seductive,provocative,outgoing,attractive & most of all a straight foward individuel! Or that's the impression I get from it. So what do you got to lose? Let's break the ice between us! For you see that I am a persistant & foward person. Who doesn't play head games & just wants to enjoy life to it's fullest.Cos yes(women) there are a few of us guys(like myself) out there that really do pay attention to what women want! Plus, you can never have too many friends in this age & age. So if you give me that honor? I will make sure to put a smile on your face & laughter in your thoughts!

I'm still pretending to care about your mind. But I made sure to either down 5 shots of tequila or hit myself in the head with a hammer before attempting to type this paragraph.

Before I conclude this long message. I just want to take the time to say thank you. For making the time to read this message! I really do look foward to hearing from you. Maybe I'll hear from you later on today or tonight(hint,hint)!?!?!ha,ha..Take care & have a great rest of the afternoon.

I'd really like to have sex tonight if at all possible, so please give me a call ASAP.